Broken Inside

So how can words explaine how I feel at this moment? I wish I could stand on a hill and scream at the top of my lungs, cry......I do not even know what I want to do at this moment in time. Maybe lock myself in a room hoping that when i come out everything will be gone, gossip will stop...... As bad as it sounds because I am a Christians, I hate Christians... The way the judge everysingle thing you do. All I want to do is befriend a friend who I know has no christian influence in his life, and as soon as I do that I am one of them? I do not understand.. I too have morals and values, I stand for what I belive in, I will not change because people want me to. Of all the people right now its like Christians are the one who push every button inside my body. I feel like i could dissapear and no one would even care, but when i sit down and think about that, I know that people would care. Why cant I just live without people talking right now? I wish that I could hide from all this, but somehow I know that if I hide things will get worse, still I do not know how to face this, i do not know what to say to people.... I just want things to be back to where i was happy, happy to face the days, happy to wake up because it is a brand new day.. Why does all this have to happen to me.. Why do I have to feel so broken inside? Why do I feel like nothing can mend me back together.... like my heart is in a million peices... i just do not understand.. If one thing.. i wish i could run to someone and talk, I know i can run to talk to God, i just need to have someone i can talk to in person, someone who will not care if I cry, someone who will listen... i just need someone.....